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At lunch time, sit in your parked car
with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they
slow down.
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yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
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Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with that.
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Put your garbage can on your desk and
label it "in".
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Put decaffeinated coffee in the coffee
maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addictions, switch to espresso.
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In the memo field of all your checks,
write "for sexual favors".
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Finish all your sentences with "in
accordance with the prophecy."
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Don't use any punctuation marks.
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As often as possible, skip rather than
walk.
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Ask people what sex they are. Laugh
hysterically after they answer.
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Specify that your drive-through order is
"to go".
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Sing along at the opera.
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Go to a poetry recital and ask why the
poems don't rhyme.
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Put mosquito netting around your work
area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
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Five days in advance, tell your friends
you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
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Have your coworkers address you by your
wrestling name, Rock Hard.
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When the money comes out the ATM, scream
"I won! I won! 3rd time this week!!!"
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When leaving the zoo, start running
towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
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Tell your children over dinner. "due to
the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
