What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer. |
Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller. |
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with
two bullets. What should you do?
You shoot the lawyer. Twice. |
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities. |
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A tick falls off of you when you die. |
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially
the same service. |
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
Not enough sand. |
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the
middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk. |
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A Doberman. |
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once
launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever. |
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. |
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them... and people couldn't figure
out which side to spit on. |
Lawyer's Creed:
A man is innocent until proven broke. |
What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
Lipstick. |
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
Skeet. |
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
Chelsea Clinton. |
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
It might be your bicycle. |
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down
the
street together when they
simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures. |
