I Hate Chain Email Letters

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar.

I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, and fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution.

I also suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl named Miranda in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to whom you send "his" mail, $1000? How stupid are we?

"Ooooh, looky here!  If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit.

Basically, this message is a big %$#@!&% to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and which, if it makes it to the year 2000, will be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being".

I don't %$#@!& care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's your own unpopularity.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this email, lest he end up like Miranda.