Killer Virus!

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes", delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most destructive E-mail virus ever invented.

It will erase your entire hard drive. Then it will send itself to anyone who has ever sent you e-mail and erase their hard drives. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles.

It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. Your VCR will flash 12:00 at you, and you will not be able to change it!   EVER!

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will give your lover's name and phone number to your spouse.

It will drink all your Cokes and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only Rush Limbaugh while stuck in traffic, even if your radio is turned off. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.

It will make an illegal campaign contribution in your name to Al Gore, and it will give Bill Clinton your teenage daughter's unlisted phone number.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole milk.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.